When I think back to when I first started my own therapy, I felt so overwhelmed by my thoughts.
After a series of bereavements and the end of my long-term relationship all in close succession, I was left with a lot of emotional pain around my grief, and constant stream of anxiety about my future, what life would be like if certain things didn’t happen. I felt completely powerless to my mind. I didn’t know how to get out of the rut I seemed to have got stuck in, where I struggled to be in my own home by myself because I couldn’t deal with my uncomfortable feelings.
I spent most evenings round friends and families houses, always wanting to make sure I had something planned so that I could avoid being alone with my thoughts. This was then coupled with intense guilt because my two cats were desperate to spend time with me, but I was never there.
I felt absolutely exhausted, and craved time on my own but just couldn’t face it.
I knew I needed help, so I found a mindfulness counsellor in my local area and I slowly started learning different ways to sit with my difficult thoughts and feelings.
I learned how to sit with my pain at a distance from my thoughts, and did my best not to allow my thinking to get involved with my feelings. This was definitely not easy at times, in fact it was really bloody hard! But what I soon noticed was that when I made a conscious effort to sit with my pain rather than avoid it, it seemed to get much less intense in the moment.
Within a couple of minutes, I noticed it calm down considerably before passing and this happened on a few occasions in the early days.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t then exactly feel instantly happy, but there was definitely a noticeable difference with the duration and intensity of how I felt, and this got me really curious as to what might happen if I turned this into a practice.
Fast forwards 9 years and I now do my best to make this a way of life. I have learned to notice when my thoughts are fuelling my emotions and I do my best to catch this happening early on before it gets out of hand and now it’s very rare that I really get pulled in like I used to the point where I can’t cope.
Having more awareness around my internal process has helped massively with my mental health. I still get days where I feel anxious, uncomfortable, where I feel really scared of doing something out of my comfort zone, but I now understand that these feelings are normal and a natural part of life. Rather than allowing my thoughts to take over and drag me down, I try to remember that I am the one in control.
This has probably been one of the most valuable things I have learnt from life, and it’s something that I continue to learn about as I grow and change as time goes on.
This personal experience as well as my professional training and clinical experience puts me in the perfect place to help you with what, at the moment may be leaving you feeling helpless, hopeless or even desperate.
If you feel ready to take the next step and would like me to help you achieve what I know you can, contact me to book your free introductory call today.