As another New Year rolls around, the world seems to be full of possibilities, fresh starts, and a chance to turn over a new leaf. Yet, with this excitement comes an undeniable pressure to “get it right” this year. We see the posts, the articles, and the resolutions flying around - lose weight, work harder, be happier. It can feel like the weight of the world rests on your shoulders as soon as the clock strikes midnight.
But what if we stopped for a moment to reconsider this yearly ritual we’ve found ourselves partaking in? What if, instead of giving into the pressure to change everything about ourselves, we welcomed a more realistic, compassionate approach to setting expectations? After all, it’s more important to remember that you are already enough just as you are no matter what changes you want to make in your life.
In my own experience, I used to feel really overwhelmed by the pressure of New Year's resolutions. I’d set unrealistic goals and quickly find myself burning out, feeling like a failure yet again. It took me a while to realise that the problem wasn’t the goals themselves, but the unrealistic expectations I was setting, based on what I thought *should* happen, rather than what I actually needed.
The Pressure of Perfection: Why New Year’s Resolutions Can Be Overwhelming
You’ve been here before, haven’t you? The New Year comes around, and the conversation quickly shifts to resolutions. People start listing goals they feel they *should* be striving for, for example, losing weight, working out more, eating healthier, being more productive at work, being a better partner - the list goes on.
While setting goals can be useful to help you achieve your dreams, the pressure to have it all figured out from day one can quickly lead to feelings of inadequacy. We live in a world where everything is shared on social media, from someone’s 6 a.m. workout to their perfectly balanced smoothie bowl. But what about the quieter moments? The ones when life doesn’t look so polished?
It took me years to break free from the comparison game. There was a time when I would set resolutions based on what I thought other people were doing, working out every day, eating perfectly, constantly striving for more. But I realised, over time, that this approach was only setting me up for frustration. I was measuring my success against how well other people were doing, rather than focusing on my own progress, and this led me to feeling disappointed time and time again. If everyone else could be so committed to their goals, why couldn’t I? After just a few weeks of trying to keep up with my unrealistic routine, I found myself struggling and feeling like a failure. This happened year after year, and I ended up feeling like the goals I had made for myself were completely out of reach. It made me totally miserable!
Setting Realistic Expectations: The Power of Small, Meaningful Goals
Instead of setting big, unrealistic resolutions, I found that considering a more grounded approach - setting goals that align with my personal values and are achievable, felt much less scary to me.
It’s tempting to want to dive headfirst into big, life-changing resolutions, especially when certain aspects of life are making us unhappy. But by focusing on smaller, meaningful goals, we can set ourselves up for success in a much more manageable way.
Click here to view this months free resources, which includes New Years journal prompts and a worksheet to help you clarify your values.
Here are some practical tips to help you set realistic, sustainable goals this year:
- Reflect on What Matters: Take a moment to reflect on what’s most important to you. What do you value? What brings you joy? This isn’t about the “right” goals; it’s about “your” goals. Aligning your resolutions with your values makes them more meaningful and achievable.
- Break Goals Into Manageable Steps: Big goals can feel so overwhelming. Instead, break them down into smaller steps. For example, if your goal is to get healthier, start by committing to a short walk a few days a week or by adding a vegetable to each meal. These small actions will help to build momentum and lead to sustainable change in the long run.
- Be Flexible with Yourself: Life happens!: Some days you’ll feel on top of the world, and others, you won’t. That’s totally normal! Be kind to yourself and remember that a setback is not a failure; it’s just part of the process of adjusting to your new routine, and finding what works for you and what doesn’t. Flexibility will help you stay focused on your goals without feeling defeated.
- Celebrate Progress: Every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. This isn’t about waiting for a big moment of success, it’s about acknowledging your daily achievements and being proud of the effort you put in. Writing these down in a notebook can be useful to look back on as a reminder of how far you have come when your motivation levels have dropped.
Remember – motivation fluctuates constantly, so relying on this alone to achieve your goals can make things feel even harder.
Making choices based on what you value in life, regardless of how you are feeling, can help to create a more consistent approach.
When I first started practising this approach, I found it incredibly freeing. Rather than constantly trying to achieve perfection, I started to celebrate the small wins and to be kind to myself when things didn’t quite go as planned. This helped to shift my mindset from “I failed” to “I’m on the right track.”
Mindfulness in the New Year: Slowing Down to Savour the Moment
Mindfulness offers a powerful way to ease the pressure of New Year’s expectations. We often hear about mindfulness in connection with meditation, but it’s so much more than that. Mindfulness is simply the practice of being present in the moment, paying attention without judgement.
Rather than getting lost in the narratives of “shoulds” and “musts” for the year, mindfulness invites you to slow down, notice how you’re feeling, and make intentional choices that align with your emotional and mental well-being. This can help you manage the anxiety that often comes with the pressure of the New Year.
Here are a few ways you can easily integrate mindfulness into your daily routine this year:
- Mindful Breathing: Whenever you feel anxious or overwhelmed by New Year expectations, pause for a few moments and focus on your breath. Inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This simple exercise can help to calm your mind and reduce stress.
- Mindful Journaling: Take a few minutes each day, at a time that suits you, to reflect on how you're feeling. Write down your thoughts whilst trying not to make any judgements, and simply pay attention to what comes up. This can help you understand any common thought patterns, anxiety or pressures you're feeling and offer clarity on how to approach your goals.
- Gratitude Practice: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This can be anything from the taste of your morning coffee to a moment of laughter with a friend. Focusing on gratitude shifts your perspective and helps you find joy in the present, rather than in the pursuit of perfection.
Click here to view this months free resources, which includes a quick Mindful Breathing grounding exercise.
In my own life, practicing mindfulness regularly has been a game-changer for me. I used to race through my days, constantly planning and stressing about the future. Even after years of mindfulness practice, I do still catch myself doing this! However, the difference now is that because I focus my attention on the present moment, I can notice when this is happening much quicker, and take a step back before it escalates. This helps to create some distance between myself and my thoughts, and I remember that I have a choice as to whether I follow these thought patterns or not.
Managing Anxiety: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations
The New Year can bring a lot of external pressure, whether it’s the media’s portrayal of how we should be using this time for transformation or the need to match the achievements of others around us. But the internal pressure that we put on ourselves to “get it right” can be just as overwhelming.
Anxiety can easily creep in when we feel that our goals are unattainable, or when we’re bombarded with everyone else’s resolutions.
So, how can we manage this anxiety and maintain a sense of balance?
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. If you find yourself feeling anxious or stressed, try to acknowledge those feelings without criticism. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with kindness, rather than contributing to your stress by constantly judging yourself.
- Take One Step at a Time: Instead of focusing on everything you need to change all at once, try to concentrate on one goal at a time. Give yourself space to breathe, and focus on what you can realistically achieve, knowing that each step is a step forward, no matter how big or small.
- Seek Support: If you’re struggling with anxiety or the pressures of New Year’s resolutions, it’s okay to reach out for help. Therapy or support groups can provide you with tools to manage stress and support your personal growth.
Click here to view this months free resources, which includes a Self-Compassion checklist.
Conclusion: Starting the Year with Self-Acceptance and Ease
The New Year doesn’t have to be about creating a whole new version of yourself. Instead, it can be an opportunity to start the year with intention, compassion, and realistic goals that align with who you truly are and what you really care about.
As you think about the year ahead, remember that the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to move at your own pace, celebrate your progress, and release the pressure of perfection.
The New Year doesn’t need to be about “fixing” anything - it’s about acknowledging where you are, setting meaningful intentions, and taking small, consistent steps toward the life you want to create.
You’ve got this.