You’ve felt it before, haven’t you? That uneasy knot in your stomach when you think about relationships - whether you’re in one or not. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it can feel like there’s a magnifying glass on everything. Expectations. Loneliness. Comparisons. It’s really overwhelming.
If you’re single, maybe you’re wondering, “Why haven’t I found someone yet? Am I enough?” And if you’re in a relationship, there’s the pressure to make it “perfect”. To live up to the social media highlight reels or your partner’s unspoken expectations. Either way, it’s a lot to carry, and it can leave you feeling anxious, uncertain, and disconnected - from yourself and from others.
It can also be difficult if you are in an unhappy relationship, as it acts as a reminder that you’re not getting what you need from your partner. I know this feeling all too well myself from my own past relationship, feeling stuck and trapped, sharing my life with someone who wanted different things to me, and made me feel like I was at the bottom of his list of priorities. This massively affected my self-worth and I was miserable for years!
Whatever your situation is this Valentine’s Day, making sense of your anxious feelings can really help you to understand what’s going on for you and how to manage this effectively.
Anxiety and the Stories We Tell Ourselves
Have you ever noticed the way anxiety takes hold? It doesn’t just bring doubts; it tells a story.
“They’ll leave if I don’t get this right.”
“Everyone else is happier than I am.”
“What if I’m not lovable enough?”
These thoughts aren’t facts - they’re just fear speaking. And yet, they feel so real in the moment, don’t they? Anxiety has a way of convincing you that you need to “do more”, “be more”, or “prove your worth”.
But what if your worth doesn’t need proving?
Remember, when anxiety starts creating stories about your relationship, you don’t have to believe everything it says. Rather than reacting to what your mind is telling you and voicing this to your partner straight away, try pausing for a moment and asking yourself, “Is this thought a fact, or just my fear speaking?”
It’s always helpful to try and ground yourself by focusing on what’s real - your partner’s actions, their words, or even the love you both bring to the relationship. When you do this, it might be that you realise things are better than you first thought they were, and actually your partner is meeting your needs in many ways. Or, this might make you realise that actually, the relationship is one sided and doesn’t align with what you need. You might even realise that actually, you have been so caught up in your thoughts that you haven’t been able to be the partner you want to be and this can also act as a wakeup call.
If you’re feeling anxious and lonely as a single person on Valentine’s Day, pay attention to the stories your mind is telling you. It might be saying “Everyone else is happy in their relationship”, “I am the only one left without a partner”, or “I won’t ever be able to be happy”. Take a look at these statements and observe just how drastic they sound! Are any of these actually true?
Whatever happens, focusing on the facts can offer a sense of clarity and comfort. Decisions become easier when they’re grounded in reality, not in the stories anxiety creates. It might not always feel easy to pause and separate fact from fear, but it’s far more effective than reacting impulsively to imagined scenarios.
Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace
When was the last time you said no to something you didn’t want? Or spoke up for what you needed? Boundaries aren’t just about keeping others in check; they’re about showing yourself kindness.
Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your emotional well-being and communicate your needs. They help define what’s acceptable and what isn’t, ensuring you feel respected, safe, and valued. Healthy boundaries create space for mutual understanding and help prevent feelings of overwhelm, resentment, or being taken for granted.
Maybe you’re worried that setting boundaries will push people away. But the truth is, healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect - not people-pleasing or overextending yourself to meet someone else’s expectations. Boundaries are a way of saying, “I value myself enough to take care of my needs.”
When I came out of my difficult relationship, I knew I needed to spend some time on my own whilst I healed. I slowly learned what it meant to set healthy boundaries for myself. The big one was that I wasn’t going to settle for a partner that didn’t align with what I wanted from a relationship. This was a really hard one for me because of my fear of being alone in the future, but I stuck by this and said no to new relationships that didn’t feel right over the following years. I found this so scary, but I did it anyway to ensure that I was living in line with my values.
I’d say this is probably the best decision I ever made, and is up there with some of my proudest achievements!
What would it look like if you gave yourself permission to set just one small boundary this week?
Rejection and the Fear of Being Vulnerable
Let’s be honest - fear of rejection can keep you stuck in a place you don’t want to be. It’s easier to stay quiet, to avoid putting yourself out there, or to hold back in a relationship than to risk being vulnerable.
But what if rejection didn’t mean what you think it does?
Rejection isn’t a measure of your worth; it’s a reflection of compatibility. It’s okay if not every relationship or friendship works out or if you’re not everything to everyone. What matters is how you treat yourself when those moments happen. Can you be kind to yourself in the face of rejection? Can you remind yourself that being vulnerable takes courage?
Building Self-Worth in Relationships
Here’s a question for you: When was the last time you showed yourself love? Not the surface-level kind, like a quick bubble bath or buying something nice, but real love - the kind that says, “I’m worthy, even when I don’t feel it.” Maybe it looks like being patient with yourself when things feel hard, or taking a moment to sit and feel your emotions instead of pushing them aside.
Self-worth is the foundation of healthy relationships. It’s the quiet confidence that says, “I deserve to be treated with respect, and I’m not afraid to walk away if I’m not.” It’s the ability to soothe yourself when anxiety takes over, rather than looking to someone else to fix it for you.
This Valentine’s Day, what if you made yourself the priority? What if you practiced loving yourself in the ways you’ve always craved from others?
The Power of Connection
As human beings, connection is something we all crave. It’s how we feel understood, supported, and less alone in this world. Whether through a special moment with a friend or a thoughtful conversation with a partner, true connection is what makes life feel meaningful.
What about the quieter moments? The real ones - not the grand gestures or the picture-perfect dates, but the times when you felt truly seen, heard, and connected to your partner. Those moments matter, don’t they?
Anxiety has a way of pulling you out of those moments. It keeps you focused on what could go wrong, instead of letting you appreciate what’s right in front of you. But connection - whether with a partner, a friend or family member - starts with being present. It’s about showing up as you are, without judgment or pressure.
Connection with yourself is just as important. It’s about being present with yourself - quietly listening, accepting your thoughts, and giving yourself the space to just be. When you’re truly connected with yourself, you can bring more of you to the world around you and your relationships.
Click here to view this months free resources, which includes a boundaries checklist and an audio guide to help quieten your anxiety in relationships
This February, whether you’re dealing with your feelings around being single or the challenges of a relationship, remember this: you don’t have to be perfect to be loved. Love doesn’t demand perfection; it thrives on authenticity. You are enough as you are - messy feelings, uncertainties, and all.
And you don’t have to have it all figured out to show yourself kindness.
Kindness is about giving yourself grace when life feels hard, reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can. It’s about taking a deep breath, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and embracing the idea that you are worthy of love - both from others and, most importantly, from yourself.